And I’ve Lost My Mind

I envy those moms that have grand parents that will take the kids off your hands for a few hours or let you have a date night with your hubby every once in a while. Those grandparents who want to hang out with their grand children, or just help out. I unfortunately am a one man band most of the time and it is trying on my nerves a lot of the time when I just want to pee alone or take a shower without hearing screaming and yelling from the kids when I come down stairs because my older son (three) is incapable of getting along with his younger brother since he started crawling.

It’s so hard.

I just want someone to pick up the slack….occasionally.

Someone to help me refresh my mind and my emotions and to let me have some time off being a mom for a day.


I get about a half an hour in the evenings to shower, but even then it’s not peachy. As I’m toweling off I hear the hubs getting upset with J myster who most likely hurt his brother by taking a toy from him for the ump teenth time.

My son has had to share his toys since he was 12 weeks old with the other kids that I used to watched. He’s no stranger to sharing….yet it is the hardest thing for him to do. Maybe its just him being three. Maybe I’ve done something wrong…. I don’t know but I struggle with this particular part of parenting a three-year old. I can’t leave the room for a second without him doing something to his brother to claim a toy back. I have gone as far as installing video baby monitors so that I can talk to them thru the camera if I need to step away from them for a moment…

go to the bathroom,

take out the trash…

wash a dish…

make a fourth cup of coffee.

I know these years are short in the grand scheme of things…but I ‘d love to take a shower without guilt.

The hard part about having a mom blog is that we are supposed to make it look easy. We are supposed to be the ones with the answers and the advice and the ones that don’t have trouble with our kids, husbands or family. We are supposed to have it all together. Well I don’t have it all together and I wish that I could get past this and blog a little deeper, but I find I just need to get stuff off my chest. You say “well duh hire a baby sitter”….that sounds nice on the surface until you really count the cost of a babysitter and the fear I have of a stranger watching my children for a few hours while in my home while we go out. And that must sound completely strange coming from a person who used to be a caregiver. I think the difference is, I’m not dropping my kid off where there are other children and a registered care giver. A baby sitter can be anyone…and I don’t want to let just anyone in to my home with my kids, I want it to be someone that I know. The only problem is, every one I know besides my mother in law who is retired, works full time.

I just have two…. that’s it.

I can’t image moms who have three or four or more.

Just two and I want to cry almost daily.

If  my husband didn’t work 40 plus hours a week and come home completely stressed out himself, I’d be asking more help from him in the evenings. But I can’t just leave him with two rowdy kids, one who won’t take naps anymore and a 10 month old whom you can’t take your eyes off of for a second because he even plucks the strands of carpet out of the floor and eats it!


So kicking it in another room while my husband takes care of the kids, and I have to listen to the chaos thru the walls, I just can’t do it. I’d feel lazy or selfish if I went up and took a nap.

Even as I type this, kids are screaming…

J threw a toy train at B and gave him a bloody lip. He is sitting in time out now screaming at the top of his lungs.

Is this just boys?

Hunky Hubs says J is jealous because I nurse B and that things will be better between the two of them when I stop nursing. I really hope this is the case because I want to blog about the greatness of being a mommy, not all the bad parts. I don’t want to remember the bad parts, I want to talk pleasantly about this hood called mom.

I just need some clarity. Some time. some peace, some quiet, some sleep….something because the coffee doesn’t do it anymore.

Yes I know, I just proof read what I wrote and you are thinking what I would be thinking….”Where the heck are your parenting skills?”

I don’t know, I lost them when I lost my mind.

The problem with loosing your mind is it happens slowly over time, so you can’t go back and figure out where exactly it was that you misplaced it. Pieces of it just start fluffing off here and there and its only revealed that you’ve lost your mind when you start speaking to other adults.

I will end with this….

I love my family. But I don’t have to like them right now.

I’ll start over in the morning.

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About Heather Jones

I'm just a wife and mom of two boys trying to find her place in this world. I enjoy walks around the lake, bible journaling, and RV camping with my family.

Heartfully Heather


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Heather Jones

I'm just a wife and mom of two boys trying to find her place in this world. I enjoy walks around the lake, bible journaling, and RV camping with my family.

8 thoughts on “And I’ve Lost My Mind

  1. Hey ladies.. Heather… My youngest daughter (now 10) and my two oldest (now 21 and 17 both boys) your life and your experiences sound like my life not too long ago… Only mine was one child was hitting the other on top of the head with a boxcar.. screaming at each other constantly… I feel (or) felt your pain once upon a time. Once my daughter was born it was a whole new ball game… Everything you experience is normal… in time it will all calm down as the boys get older.. Take a deep breath and try to breath through it… Try to remember how you felt the first time you laid your eyes on those babies when they were born. Hold onto that feeling.. I agree with Heather on the swapping with other moms for babysitting. Take your time to make new friends with other moms needing babysitting or mom time it pays off. I didn’t have anyone (no one, no grandparents, no one) I relied on other parents that were in my situation to trade babysitting time.. We started out getting to know each other with play dates.. Once we got to know each other and trusted each other more we started babysitting.. eventually, the blogging with the advice for others will come soon enough… you’ll see. Take it one day at a time, don’t rush things. and as scary as it sounds, enjoy the boys as they are right now… I miss my boys as babies, They are all grown up now and I miss them…

  2. You would think that was the problem….but i don’t have to be anywhere near a computer, smart phone or ipad for my kids to get on my nerves. All I have to do is leave the room for 1 moment and that happens, mostly because J decides to do the hurting when I’m not looking. He’s a smart boy. Besides I probably blog as little as you do, but I have posts auto scheduled that I set up on the weekends and it takes about an hour to do. I think my main frustration is that I’ve lost that hour of nap time during the day and my ten month old wakes up at every floor board squeak. So his two naps during the day probably total up to a half hour. He sleeps in 15 minute spurts and then wakes four times a night. Which will probably be my next blog post titled “Backwards Baby”. I have the baby that slept thru the night as a newborn, but wakes every two hours at night now…I believe that is the biggest contributing factor. What I think I need is a mom group. A play goup and like what Shana said parents that we can trade off parenting duties to because I really need to reconnect with the hubs from time to time, but we are just so exhausted and tired at the end of the day.

  3. I started blogging and following other mommy blogs NOT to read how easy it is for them or to write about how perfect my life is. The truth is I do it because I want to connect with other REAL moms! And yes I believe we have a lot LOT of fake moms and fake mommy bloggers out there! I’d rather read about how hectic and out of control your life is but that you’re still going and still being the very best you that you can be than read how it just seems to be oh so glorious in pleasantville! My life isn’t perfect, my child isn’t perfect and neither am I! I embrace my imperfectness! And yes, EVERY mom needs a break at some point! Get together with another couple or two even and set up a schedule where you can do a children swap! This is where both couples agree that once a month they will take the kids so that the other couple can have a night…THE WHOLE NIGHT! A sleepover for kids and a sleepin for parents. The next weekend or two you swap and do it for that couple. As long as you stick to agreed rules (like picking kids up by 10 am or something) and that both couples know all kids it works great!

  4. That’s great advice Shana!! Maybe I can arrange something with the mom of the little boy I used to watch. We go on frequent play dates with each other, so if we could do something like this for each other, I think it would be appreciated all around!

  5. I’ve said, lived, and thought about EVERYTHING you’ve said too. I’ve found it helpful to go on a social media diet. I cut back on blogging… i now try to post every 5 days, and it feels great to have let go of that. I also let go of Twitter… now only checking it once or twice a month. I’ve also drastically thinned out my blog subscriptions. It’s not that I don’t LOVE reading blogs, but I’m just one person and can only do so much. Since cutting back, I’ve found that I’m less stressed, and the kids don’t get to me as much. I’m also more available to play, which makes everyone happier too. 🙂

  6. We had no helpful grandparents or aunties either when the kids were small. It’s easy to feel overwhelmed. Hang in there. PS they do stop doing that hitting biting thing…. eventually.

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