Some days I’m ready to move on and accept this new life, some days I’m not. Some days I’m stuck in the past wanting to rewind a year and live it over. But I know you can only go forward and embrace tomorrow. I want to embrace it, but I don’t know exactly what to embrace yet. The build of our house has been a slow nonexistent process so far. Nothing has happened with our house in over a month, it’s in the exact same state as the last time I posted anything about it. While we met with the builder on Friday, we got the idea that he is having a hard time obtaining a crew to do the work that is needed. So the lot sits.
I’ve had no desire until now to write or blog about anything because I want to write about happy things. Blogging about my feelings on here, I feel will only push people away. No one really wants to dive into a person’s feelings of displacement. That’s exactly what I feel like, displaced.
But now that I hear that word I think I’m lucky in light of what is happening to people’s homes in Houston and feel guilty for writing this at all. I’m trying slowly to let go of the past. To move on. I want to because I know happiness is in the future somewhere. I feel like I’m still stuck in limbo with half our things still packed away unable to unpack or use them at all due to space. Our beautiful dining room table I was so excited to have for family gatherings in my first ever formal dining room, is dismantled and in pieces in the garage. Will I have the space to use it again? Will the family ever gather around it again? We only had one Thanksgiving and Christmas around that table. I pictured decades of more memories around that table and in that house. But it’s gone.
Putting the pieces of my life together here will be easier after we have a home. Easier, after we can hang pictures on walls and paint and make a space truly ours. I’m getting there though. As each day ticks on I am finding a new normal. I am less lonely because I work with people but still have no friends here. I think I will just have to get used to not having any. Once you get used to not having something, it becomes easier over time and time will help me need friendships less in life. You get used to your circumstances and can learn to live with what you have or don’t have over time.
Time: The thing you can’t touch, the thing people hate or need more of or wish they could turn back or speed up.
What would you do with time if you could change it?
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