It’s no secret in my home that I’m in love with interior design. I love making a space in your home feel comfortable functional, yet stylish on the cheapest possible budget. I can binge watch Fixer Upper like no other. Sometimes I just have it on in the background even though I’ve seen all the episodes dozens of times. There’s something I love about turning something old and ugly into something beautiful and surprising a family with that beauty. I just love it.
But as I’m sure you’ve read, our lives have changed and I tried to resist this change for months. I was not looking forward to moving to Colorado after just getting settled into our new home in Arizona. I loved that house so much! To me it was perfect. I loved that neighborhood where all the kids play outside from sun up to sun down in the summers. I loved how the breeze of those tall Ponderosa pine trees made those summer days not so hot and my perfectly shaded porches. I loved my back deck where I could sip coffee and watch the kids play in the yard. I loved the gatherings we had in the back yard making s’mores around our fire pit. I loved the school Jaydon went to and the bus stop gatherings. I loved my moms’ group where I made the best of friends and our monthly moms night out and playgroup get-togethers. I loved that urban trail where I could take my daily walks. I really thought God had answered our prayers and gave us a second chance to stay but it turns out He let us stay for a little while to make sure there’d always be a reason we returned home.
The first time we talked about moving to Colorado, I was really excited to go. I wanted out of that first home badly. I hated the split level floor plan and I wanted to experience something brand new. Then Scott felt it was important to stay when I still wanted to go and he had already secured a job. I thought he was making a huge mistake staying at a job that didn’t seem to care much about him anymore but then he asked our realtor to help us find another home in Flagstaff since the home we were in sold before it was listed. I thought the whole idea was crazy, but I went along with it. We found that house in Ponderosa Trails, in the neighborhood I always wanted to live in. I thought we hit the jackpot on home and location especially since I had it in my mind that it wasn’t obtainable in Flagstaff. I thought our prayers were being answered…and in many ways, they were answered even though we’ve been uprooted not even a year later.
Scott got his back surgery that finally fixed a back problem that had slowly been degenerating for four years. It really affected his quality of life. He’s now better because he had the chance to stay and have the surgery. I had the chance to deepen some bonds with some friends and live in a beautiful location for 11 months. I am blessed to have that moment in time and while I’m sad that it was so fleeting, I have to look at this as a journey of self-exploration.
God does have other plans for us, and it might not be white picket fences, beautiful neighborhoods and a handful of friends, the plans He has for us surely means some painful growth. But growth is good. Growth is humbling and in the end, I’d rather the growth that hurts a little bit, then a shallow frame of mind.
Since God has other plans for us, my direction for Heartfully Heather has changed yet again. But in a sense, I think (just like myself) Heartfully Heather is maturing into something more than just a design blog. It’s maturing into something more from the Heart.
For the next six months or so, we are renting a house until our new home is built. Needless to say, my focus the next six months will not be on design. Instead, I will focus more introspectively. I am going to use this time as a means to grow and work through some pent up feelings.
I will go back to the good old days of blogging and use this time to focus on family, recipes, our summer activities and matters of the heart. Sometimes opening up about your personal struggles can help others who are feeling the same way. I hope that is what I can do here.
I want to inspire.
I want to help people see value in what they do.
One of the topics I want to write about is how to see value in yourself without the input from others. I realized yesterday that the only time I see value in myself is when someone tells me I’m valuable. When it’s been awhile since I’ve heard encouraging words, my self-esteem, and confidence begin to disappear. I can’t let that control me anymore. I want to share in ways that we can maintain our confidence even when words of encouragement don’t come often enough. I want to share with you how we can reset our minds and how we can learn to love ourselves.
So I will be starting a segment on here about self-love and how self-love can lead to success and happiness.
What do you do for yourself daily that feeds your internal growth?
For me, I like to read encouraging words out of books. I’m currently reading the book, “Only Love Today” that a friend gave me right before we left Arizona. Just from what I’ve read, I think it will help me be more in the moment with my family.
What books have helped bring out your confidence?
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