See when I’m upset, I write…when I’m angry I start typing up a novel. Prior to this post, I had three sitting in draft form and I’m so glad I didn’t publish them. With the lack of someone to talk to about my problems, I tend to write things out…only to realize a few days after writing what I did, I sounded childish and petty and silly not to mention mean.
You know how sometimes there are those people in your life that you should be able to rely on, but every time you do, they cancel on you and you are totally out the money you spent on the thing you had planned and you’ve got no back up plan. Yeah that happens a lot with me and I got really bitter about it. Like ugly bitter. Like if I were to see my reaction from someone else’s viewpoint I would be saying woah this chick has some major issues.
I do have major issues, there’s no surprise there. Most of the time no one realizes my major issues which is a plus. I don’t like flaunting them or accidentally revealing them.
I would say I am becoming more of an introvert over time. I love other introverts. We are good listeners. We listen to what is “not” said. I have a big problem with people who talk too much, talk over you when you are trying to speak and continually change the subject back to them. I tend to just do the, “yeah, uh huh” kind of thing. I don’t get extroverts. I’ve spent a lot of my time trying to blend in, even when I was in theatre, I delighted in being in the chorus, or positioning lights on a stage or running the soundboard. I liked the part when everyone works together to put something grand up and awe an entire audience. That is my favorite part of theatre. I found a way to blend in within performing arts. Isn’t that something!? It was easy to be the introvert in a room full of extroverts then. But then something happened and I found I had a better voice on paper…I switched my interests to journalism. After a year in college performing arts, I changed my major.
Anyway…in an effort to grow and not belittle anyone, but to get the release I need by putting thought to screen, I’ve at least vented in a way that shows no hurt or pain toward anyone else. I will try to be the bigger person and move on.
Taking a deep breath….and moving on.
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