I think sometimes its easy to go through life expecting the next ball to drop. The next big dilemma to happen. You subconsciously wait for the bad news. You feel like accepting the happiness that has surrounded you will mean that it will be yanked right out from underneath you. I think if you’ve grown up having this happen over and over, its easy to put up that wall to protect yourself from fully enjoying the life you have. But you can’t! You can’t let a memory, or a previous life ruin what you’ve got. You can ‘t live in the past. You have to do your future self a favor. Now it’s not that I constantly think about negative things….no not at all. I just often prevent myself from fully feeling happy….and I don’t get that. I mean why do we do this to ourselves? We only have this life right here right now…and I really want to spend every minute of that happy in the way things are. I’m no going through any kind of tragedy. My children are happy and healthy for the most part, except when I prevent one of them from playing with a friend at times. We love our new home. Jaydon has some new friends now that he’s going to a new school and that was a big worry of mine. I wanted him to be happy, thrive and fit-in in this new environment. Braidy is now going to preschool and its freed up some hours in my week where I can be creative again.
I have some control here where I didn’t have before, yet I’m afraid to dive back in feeling like I’m gonna fail once again, or come off as being fake or a copycat. But honestly, this is my chance right now to see if I can make things work the way I’ve always envisioned. I just have to let myself go there again. I’m trying to figure out how to let myself go there. Part of me thinks…it makes me look self involved. I’m trying to find myself all over again.
Well on to what I’m working on…
I’m working on redecorating my downstairs bathroom. I’ll be doing a separate post about that with some before and after pictures. 😉 I have a formal dining room table being delivered this week that I’m so stoked about…it means we finally have all the spaces in our house furnished…and then…I think I’ll finally sit down and write and show pictures of each room and space like I talked about doing before. But part of my hold up on that was coming across as materialistic. That’s the last thing I want to be here on Heartfully Heather, but then again I work with brands often and that often means I show a materialistic side. Working with brands really helps this blog to be more than a hobby and lot more of a business that I’m the CEO of. So I have to learn to embrace it more.
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