Before you read my Five Minute Friday post, please know I’m sure the thing is longer than five minutes of my time. I like to wake earlier than everyone else in this house for time to myself and this morning no sooner did I sit down at my laptop did a two year old pad on over wanting mommy, so I had to start and stop several times to finish thoughts, but I think the important thing is that I wrote freely this morning without reserve and that is what Five Minute Friday is all about.
I often think that nothing I do is right…or enough. I guess we are supposed to feel that way. After all how can it be enough? If it was enough, there wouldn’t be tomorrow to try to do it all over again in a better way. Now here I am being negative and I generally love being a positive person and always looking on the bright side, sometimes people’s dispositions rub off on you and its hard to not let it influence you. But you really can’t let someone else take away your shine, not a child, not your mother, not a husband, not anyone. Their troubles are not your own. Sure you can help, but at the end of the day you have to let it go and let them come up with their own answers. You can’t save everyone.
You will always find a person who finds something dark and dreary about a beautiful sunny morning. But find the person who finds a cold stormy morning amazing and then you’ve got some one who looks at each day as a reward, an exciting challenge and a gift.
Of course there are people who just haven’t been dealt the cards you have. People who have struggles that you don’t have, people who just can’t seem to find happiness in anything and “nothing” you do helps. When I can’t do anything myself I pray about it. I pray every day until I hear an answer from God. I know that God doesn’t answer every prayer the way you want it answered. I know he answers it the way we “need” it answered which can be very different than “want”. I know this. When I see someone suffering, I just want their pain, their stress, their fatigue to go away…..and when my prayers seem to do “nothing”, its not that I loose faith in God, I loose faith in myself. Maybe the prayer isn’t being answered because I am supposed to be the answer and I’m failing to act, failing to do what is necessary to make the situation better. I’m not a doctor, but somehow it must be me failing…it must be me. Then how do you tell someone you pray every day for their healing just to know that your prayers are void….that nothing is working, not medicine, not a doctor’s advice…nothing. Do you give up?
I would say power on and keep that smile on, keep trying. Its ok to mad and frustrated in the moment, but let it go and don’t give up. This is my moment right now typing it all out where I am frustrated. I feel like a failure to my spouse, I feel like a failure to God and even though I know I’m not, I can’t fight back the tears that make me feel this way.
I am going to have my moment though, then greet today like its a blessing, because it is, and try try try again, with a smile on my face.
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