It’s often hard to separate yourself from what someone you love, feels. If you are a mom, or spouse, or daughter or mother, you sometimes can’t help but internalize other people’s mental outlook on things. Growing up, my mother suffered from severe depression. I remember days where she would sleep well into the day and not come out of her room. My brother and I fended for ourselves quite often. When she was moody, you didn’t know what to do, you didn’t know how to act…I knew any and every thing would upset her.
Since I’ve been released from those bonds when I ran away at 16, I learned very quickly, life is what you make it. You can’t spend time dwelling on things that happened in the past, I personally hate giving power to something in the past and having it ruin my whole out take on life. I feel like there is so much to experience and do and enjoy about each day, that I can’t spend time dwelling. This doesn’t mean I don’t ever get depressed or down…I just find a way to snap out of it and usually those feelings only last for a day before I’m back to my normal self. I spent too many days as a child internalizing my mother’s mental illness to let any kind of depression get me down for long periods of time.
Little did I know back then, I’d marry someone who tends to get depressed. My husband, an ex football player and rough and tumble child suffered quite a few concussions in his youth. We now know that concussions can actually attribute to permanent brain damage and even alter the shape of one’s brain and how the synapses fire that controls one’s mood. A healthy brain has a healthy mind and one that can easily get over things. So its fitting that I would be the one again that tries to help my husband see a life that is great. I can tell you that he has been pretty good over the last couple of weeks, but there are times when he’s not that great and I can tell, even though he rarely speaks about it. His body language tells me a lot. I think my words though have had an impact over the years. I try to always be positive about things, but it’s often the things I can’t see that upsets him the most, like work relationships. Sometimes you have toxic co-workers that thrive on creating controversy for their own entertainment. They love gossip and drama and my husband is not that at all, but finds himself often among the silly things that he should never be apart of because his work ethic is too great to engage in trivial things. These are the things that bothers him the most, and these are things that I can’t help with much. I can simply provide guidance and tell him that people know him by his true character.
Talking about his feelings and the past has really helped my husband, but there are other ways of dealing with depression. A friend of ours is also going through a tough spell with her depression but has a hard time opening up. She felt particularly tired and foggy last week, so we decided to look in to natural ways of treating depression. After some research we found that a lot of people are using products like this full spectrum cbd oil. Studies seem to find that CBD has a positive effect on people’s moods, so she’s going to give it a try. Hopefully she’ll be able to get some relief.
Over the years I would say that my husband is in the best place he’s been in his whole life. I think he’s found his grove and his way and over all he seems happier. He’s happy when he’s busy, and I’m happy seeing him busy and joking around and being his funny self. It’s still hard to separate yourself from that and not internalize the depression you see in your spouse or loved one. All I have to say to that, is be as encouraging as you possibly can, then be you, be happy, enjoy your life because if your spouse sees your happiness, heck it just might snap them out of it, maybe a little….maybe enough for them to realize the gift they have in you, in life, in the fresh air…in the rain, in the comfort of your embrace.
I know that he may not share all of it with me, but what he does share with me, I hope I’ve helped him to some extent realize his significance in this world, what he means to me and our kids and what I know he is as a human being. I hope he knows I truly love him for him.
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