When You Feel Like You Owe People Explanations


First off, I want to say this topic was inspired this morning by Jaime Sullivan’s “Cawfee talk”. I occasionally watch her FB live posts and I love what she had to say this morning. How often do you feel like you owe people in your life an explanation for the choices you’ve made? I feel that way all the time. For some reason, I’m a grown woman who thinks I need to run things by people before I do them. I don’t owe anyone an explanation for anything. Okay, maybe my husband and my kids at times. But I’m an adult who generally makes good decisions …except for when I’m at a Target. 

Anyway, Jaime’s topic was about the need a lot of women have to over-explain their situations. Why do we feel the need to justify them? I’ve felt this need with most of my friends and family. It’s not that it was prompted or demanded by anyone, it was due to my own insecurity that someone would disapprove of my life choices. But here’s the thing. I’m the only one that can live this life, so my decisions don’t have to be approved by anyone. There will always be someone who would do it differently, or not take the risks I’ve taken at all. it’s easy to sit on the couch and dictate someone else’s life or make opinions about what they should have done differently, but the reality is that they probably don’t know the entire situation and even if they were in the exact same situation, we would still do things differently based on who we are as individuals.

I am no longer providing long elaborate explanations for MY reasons to do things in MY life. I’m the one living it, no one else. 

I have been a blogger for 8 years now and I have over explained things for 8 years because this was my communication outlet. I’ve over explained my life to complete strangers. I have to stop that! I still love blogging, but I’ve come to a realization that I CAN have a stronger opinion about things that affect MY life. I can leave out the gritty details, I can be confident. I don’t need to compare my life to others. I don’t need a second mom’s opinion. I can listen to a mom’s opinion and not take her advice because it’s just not right for me. I can be my own person, have my own thoughts, ideas and ways of doing things, and you can too! 

So I challenge you. Are you over-explaining your life to people? Do you feel like you owe everyone an explanation? Well, stop! They don’t live your life. You owe no one an explanation for what you want to do with your life unless it directly affects them. If you are living with your parents, well sadly you’ll probably have to owe them some explanations if they are paying your expenses. If you are a grown adult taking care of all of your own needs/expenses, then you got this! If you want to go buy a new couch you don’t need to run it by three people before you do that. If you want to take a trip to the Caribbean and tell no one until you get there, do it. If you want to buy that triple sundae do it. If you have reasons not to, let them be your own, not someone else’s reasons.

Live your own life because you only have one and you shouldn’t waste your time wondering what other people think about it. You just need to be the one that enjoys it and lives it to its fullest potential. It feels great to have people’s approval, but it only goes so far.  

Live your own life seeking approval from no one but yourself and God! When you do that, you will always stay true to yourself.     

About Heather Jones

I'm just a wife and mom of two boys trying to find her place in this world. I enjoy walks around the lake, bible journaling, and RV camping with my family.

Heartfully Heather


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Heather Jones

I'm just a wife and mom of two boys trying to find her place in this world. I enjoy walks around the lake, bible journaling, and RV camping with my family.

10 thoughts on “When You Feel Like You Owe People Explanations

  1. I get it, for sure. I’ve been reading a few books about feminism, and feel a lot if it has to do with that. Men tend to be more confident in their decisions because of how they have been treated since the day they are born. Just think of how boys vs girls get ready for kindergarten. A boy would pick clothes, put them on, and that’s it. A girl will pick out clothes, put them on, and then look at herself in the mirror, thinking, what will people think of me this way? Will people like it if I wear a now? Second guessing becomes ingrained in her life. Simply put, males DO things, females ARE things.

  2. This is pretty insightful! I am trying to find confidence in myself as I am more and more. Not that I don’t strive for continued improvement, mostly soul searching improvement, but I think that’s just it, what you said. Women continually feel the need to improve themselves and most men must not feel this way. This is a very interesting topic.

  3. I am sorry you have always felt the need to over explain yourself, your reasons, your choices. I hope you stick to this and feel free to do as you please. You won’t go overboard as you have your own convictions. I am kind of the opposite in that I don’t feel I owe much to anyone, except my children and others, only if I am asking something of them which is only right.

  4. As for me, I don’t think that we need to explain our self. I don’t want to give further explanation to other people.We need to stop explaining just to prove something to other people. We have or own life choices.

  5. This is me! I try to explain away my reasons for doing something. Then I worry about what they will think about my reasons. Silly girl! I’m doing better but I still catch myself at times.

  6. I’m done with that kind of life and I no longer want to get the approval of others. It doesn’t make me happy and it’s also very toxic. We don’t owe people an explanation, they have their own lives and we have ours.

  7. I find as I am getting older I do not care as much about what people think of my choices. I used to try to explain myself all the time. Now I just do not want to waste the time. Life is to short.

  8. For people who do not know me, I may seem difficult to understand, but for my family and close friends, I am perfectly okay. I do not owe anyone any explanation on how I run my life. This is me, this is my life and only me, with the guidance of God can decide how to live it.

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